In light of the new year and all, I thought I would up date everything I had been trying to implement when I first started writing my blog. It was THE reason I started writing a blog, to try to do the things I thought of, to implement change and get to a place where I was happier with my physical self, as well as in my personal relationships and with my parenting.
Well, I have pretty much gotten nowhere on any of it, except for the fact that I am actually fatter and very likely even more unhealthy than I was before. I feel pretty terrible about it, because it has been over six months and I have done nothing to change. I complain and whinge, know what I need to do to change. And still zip, nada, nothing changes.
WonderHubby and I are plodding along. We are happy enough with each other. We rarely argue, or get angry with each other. We are great friends. Which makes life together awesome. There are things we need to work on, one of them being prioritising us. Being together with just the two of us. Having three young children, we rarely get the chance to just be the two of us. We need to prioritise this and make an effort to make each other feel special.
My efforts with my weight loss and getting fit....well. I keep thinking about it, giving a half arsed effort for a while, and then fall off the wagon and get fatter. I need to put in 110% effort. I need to stop making excuses and fluffing about with it all. I just need to do it. Pure and simple. I'm sick of it being the first thing I think about, thinking about it for half the day, but still I'm where I was 7 months ago. If I had have kept at it when I first started back in May 2012, I would likely be at or very close to, my goal.
My parenting, well that is leaving a bit to be desired at the moment, to be honest. School holidays are here and I am having no respite from the kids, so I am a little stressed and anxious. It is ridiculously hot here at the moment too, with most days being 35-45 degrees Celsius (around 95-112 Fahrenheit). So we are cooped up inside a lot of the day with a small window to play outside early in the mornings between about 6-10am and then at about 4-6pm (although it can still be stupid-hot at that time, it's no longer sunny then and we won't burn up like a rocket re-entering the earth's atmosphere!
I have realised that I am actually just not that great a playing spontaneous games. I don't really do spontaneous at all, and when it involves Barbie, Iron Man or My Little Pet Shop things....my brain liquefies. My speech turns gibberish and I just CAN.NOT.DO.IT...Even when I was 5 years old I didn't play Barbie. I played mummies, and teachers. Take a guess at what I do now?...Go on!
Does that make me a bad parent? I don't know, maybe. But I think it just makes me human. I am not good at everything. I am not good at a lot of things. Unfortunately for Bear Bear, playing Barbies is just one of those things that I am woefully bad at. We do things like craft, colouring, I build with Lego and train tracks, run around with a ball, watch movies together, I am trying to get the bigger kids into the kitchen to cook with me more often. I take them to the park, mothers group, playgroup and the library. So it's not like I don't do anything with them. And I do love mummy-ing most of the time.
I think personally, the two areas which stand out for me which I have made some progress in are my friendships and doing more for myself that I enjoy. Last year I went away with a friend ( this is my blog about it here- Excitement! ) to another friends wedding, leaving my family for the first time ever. It was liberating and I decided I need to do it more often! And, I also have made awesome friends. They have taught me so much recently. They make such a huge effort to help look after me. I love them to pieces.
I will be starting to study again this year, so that's a big step for myself. Hopefully by the end, I will be getting my Teaching degree. And I will have two, yes TWO child free days this year. It will help immensely with getting organised and with studying. I just don't feel like I can get things done well (I am a bit of a perfectionist and unfortunately for me, if I can't do it how I want to do it, ie, to the point I think it's 'perfect', I tend not to do it at all.) So two days 'off' will be awesome for me to get things done around the house, as well as being able to concentrate on my studies.
One of my favorite sayings is, 'nothing changes if nothing changes' I don't know who said it, or even if "someone" said it. There are other versions of it, but this is the simplest form. And how true it is. I have changed almost nothing in almost 7 months, so I am pretty well still where I was at then. I really need to haul ass if I want to make these changes. I need to stop procrastinating and get on with it. Stop whinging and whining. Focus on something and DO IT! Sort my shit out and get on with making myself happier and looking after myself...one step at a time.
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