Working on me

I am trying to figure out this whole 'love yourself as you are' thing. Rationally, I get it. If you enjoy who you are, right now, then a) the rest doesn't matter and b) everything else tends to fall into place, such as weight loss, because you're enjoying life and it's not such an effort to eat well/exercise/enjoy yourself. But after a lifetime of self hate, it can be tough.

I am also trying to get back into meditation/mindful thinking. Today I finally managed to still my mind for the first time in a long time! I had been having trouble recently in doing it, although I have been trying for several weeks to get to 'that' place. What I do is all self taught and just what I like to do/think for myself. I don't follow any regime or process, other than stuff I've made up myself.

Though, I think I'm making a bit of a break through. I am starting to not care what other people think. Especially people I don't know. I am usually really self conscious of what I wear, worry about how I look. But lately, I haven't been terribly worried. I don't care what strangers think. (Which, seriously, is the way it should be!!)

The last few times we've been to the beach, I just wore just my swimming costume (without the shirt to go over it) and didn't give a crap about if people were looking at me, or how I might have looked. I had fun with my family and enjoyed the water, I dug in the sand and I lolled on the beach and enjoyed it all. Little Dude brought it all to reality when he hugged me at the beach and told me so sincerely, 'This is the best day EVER mum!'.

I guess the point is I'm making progress, albeit baby steps. Though to me, that's the best kind of progress because it's more likely to be a lasting change. More likely to be long term and sustainable.

I'm still working on it all. But I haven't given up on me!