Today I am not being the woman I want to be, in particular, not the wife, house wife, nor (most importantly right now) the mum I want to be. I know in my head what I *should* be doing to change that, for today, which in turn will help change it tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, but right now, I am full of 'reasons', a.k.a. excuses. I'm tired, the kids are tired, and therefore cranky, the hubby is tired. We all had a big night going to the local fair, so everyone has had minimal sleep and is in a growly mood!
The person I want to be will say yes to her kids when they ask to play Barbies or trains for the 5th time that day. She would engage and have 1:1 time with her daughter who is the only one awake out of the three children. She would take the opportunity to tidy the house whist the younger kids slept (cause it's not usually the way it goes in our house to have children sleeping!). She would talk to her hubby about things rather than snap for silly reasons. She would go for a walk and exercise to help her feel better.
But today, right now, my house is a bomb site, my kids are being ferals, my hubby and I are grumping at each other for minor inconsequential things and I am struggling to find a smile :( I'm finding it hard to get into that 'just do it' attitude. I know the steps to get where I'm going, but taking them is proving to be very difficult. Change is hard, breaking habits of many years is tough. Everything in me is resisting. But that is just it, I really just need to do it and do it for a long time and it will get easier and become a habit and then it will just be our lifestyle.
wow Kel this brought tears to my eyes as read this blog, reading this was likei had typed this yes they are your words but my life word for word. so many miles apart yet we are suffering the exact same thing. as negative as this may sound (sorry dont mean to be) i feel a smigen bit better knowing that i have a friend that is suffering like me and that im not a faliure as a mum, wife, house cleaner etc. yes i may only have 2 chn but the suffering is still a strugle. Kel i know it may not help but your not alone in this struggle even though you think you are.
ReplyDeletelove you heaps.
Great big hugs back at ya Luc. It is a terrible feeling, feeling like you're failing at everything you do. In reality we aren't and we are both awesome mothers wives and well the house cleaning is not really all that important! Our gorgeous children, happy marriages and family are testament to that.
ReplyDeleteI am glad I have helped you feel better, maybe to feel normal. We are very normal in feeling how we do, lots of mothers/wives feel like this. If you need to chat babe, you know where I am. I am here for you. xx
I have many days when I feel like that, but you know what Kel - we can't do everything. We don't have a village to come in and clean, or play with the kids - so we have to do everything, and when we try to do everything, its sorta a half arsed job because we are so time poor. So I make it my mission to be good at something every day - not everything. Today was my good mummy day, I played with the kids, pushed them on the swings, was there attending to their every need. So now my house is a mess.... LOL... housework will always be there no matter what, so thats what I sacrifice first! The kids won't be there forever so I may as well make the most of of them. You are doing an awesome job, just remember that xxxx
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