I am trying with all of my being to fight the cravings I am having for food I don't need and isn't healthy. Tonight WonderHubby is on a night shift. Which is usually when I cave and eat myself silly. I am really struggling with not eating the bad food in the house, or even just not eating more. Trying to sort through the emotions, rationalise that I don't need it, it's not good for me, I actually REALLY don't want it for numerous reasons, not actually being hungry is a big one!
It is proving to be really difficult. My hubby is back at work on night shift for four nights and I am anxious and anticipating a no so nice 4 days. My house is a bomb site. Feeling a little lonely and bored. These are all reasons I want to comfort eat, and usually I would. But that is what got me fat! I need to change my habits to better ones again. When I wasn't fat I didn't eat like this. I didn't often eat a lot after dinner, I didn't comfort eat very much or 'eat my emotions' as it is commonly said.
I found some old photos of myself from many moons ago and it is a shock to me to see what I used to look like and compare it to what I have become. Visually 35kg is huge! A friend said I look like a different person. I am just not even a shadow of that person in the photos. Over time, naturally, my life and situation have changed, a lot. Admittedly it was a life time ago, pre-kids, before pregnancy, the sleepless nights and stress took its toll on my body and mind. Really my life is nothing of what it used to be. I need to get some of those good habits back, some of the 'me' back that I used to have.
Whilst I am feeling so much more positive about this change and in the zone, I still struggle when I'm going through the really tough times, which is when I need to really focus on my goals. Like when WonderHubby is on night shifts, or when Buggity Boo wakes me two hourly at night, or wants to party at 4am. These are the times I just want to fill the void with food. It doesn't always even matter what food it is, toast, chocolate, soup....whatever. Just Eat! So I am working on being more mindful, questioning why I'm eating, if I'm not actually genuinely hungry. It's tough sometimes the answer is 'I want to', which is often when I just do. Long term habits are so tough to break, but one by one I am getting there.
Proof in the pudding is I have walked three days so far this week. I aim for every second day. In spite of any silly mummy guilt I have in leaving the kids with Hubby, or any minor food blow outs. I am working hard on, keeping on, keeping on. And in doing so I have lost 2 1/2 kg since the 9th of May. Which is pretty good. Slow and steady wins the race right?
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