My Nan

*Warning post is about dying and death

She's an awesome old duck. She absolutely rocks my world. We share a birthday, she and I. Generations apart, but the same date. The 27th August. I think we share more than that. We share a special bond. She's a special lady. She holds a piece of my heart no one else could. When I think of her, I am filled with smiles and happiness and all of those lovely warm, fuzzy feelings. She is almost 95 years old, though doesn't seem a day past 75, lol! If I can be half the person she is, then I would be a pretty cool lady. I want to grow up to be just like my Nanna one day.

Sadly, right now, Nan is pretty sick. She had a heart attack a few days ago and is in the high dependency ward in hospital. I am filled with dread and utter sadness when I think of her passing away. I have had several bouts of tears thinking about it. The Hubby had a humourless little laugh at me, because I was crying and she's not even gone. I can laugh at it too, because she has lived a huge life. I realise she will not be long for this earth, at 94 years of age. 

She has 4 children (though only 3 living), a pack of grandchildren and even more great grand children. She has done a lot in her life and has lived well. I don't think dying, for her, would be something dreaded or feared. I think she knows her time is coming soon. She believes in the afterlife and she would take solace in the thought she was going to be with my grandfather who passed away many years ago now (about 25 years ago now), and my Uncle who sadly passed away as a fairly young man. As well as being with many of her friends and siblings who have passed on too. She has seen many loved one pass away. 

She is an amazing lady. She always knows what to say. She is eloquent and has a wisdom only time, a busy life and tragedy can bring. She is strong and independent. She tells amazing stories of her life and I love to listen to her. She writes impressively well, too. I love to receive her hand written letters, even now, at her age, she has beautiful handwriting. She has heaps and heaps of old photos and knows all of the old stories behind them. When I see her I hug her and hold her, and take a big deep breath, because her smell conjures so many wonderful memories. I don't think I have a bad one to tell you about her. 

The thought of her not being here is a heartwrenching one to me. Even if she weren't sick right now, I think I would cry at the thought of her leaving this world. When she does go, there will be a huge hole left by her. In so, so many people's lives. The thought of her passing right now, with the last time I saw her having been about 8 weeks ago is horrible. I want to up and go to her now. But we live 900 km's away from her. I have 3 small children, who have their little lives here. The Hubby couldn't get time off work. I have commitments here. It's expensive to get there and we don't have the spare money. The car has bald tyres and we can't get them replaced just yet. My reasons are many. It's just not doable right now. 

So universe, you'd better be listening. Don't take her just yet. Please. I need to see her again. Smell her familiar smell, and feel her silky skin. See her comforting smile, and hear her calm and soothing voice. She still has work to do, my Nan. I know it.


*** 18/6/12: I must add, for anyone interested, my beautiful Nan is now home, and has recovered well. It ended up not being a heart attack as first thought, but rather something wrong with her lungs which caused her heart to play up too. Thankfully there will be no lasting effects of this and Nan should be up to her usual shenanigans in no time!